Speaking of speaking, one question I’ve been asked is, “Do you mind me mentioning Jack? Or is it too painful?”
The unequivocal answer for me is that I do not at ALL mind you mentioning Jack. As a matter of fact, I prefer that you do, since I am thinking about him much of the time anyway, and would enjoy your company. To me it means he did not disappear, but truly lived and was important to you as well as to me. Plus, I will see facets of him through your own recalling of life with him, facets I would not have known any other way. I like missing him with you, together.
It may be that other grieving people feel differently, but the only way to know that is to ask. If we ask, we will know for sure if our talk of their loved one helps or doesn’t.