My son and his lovely bride gave me a gift this Christmas that was both for me and because of Jack: a Garmin GPS! It was the best gift for a person like me, who cannot always find my way out of a paper bag. As a matter of fact, all my life I have had anxiety about getting lost. This was an anxiety Jack did not share.
He never met a map he didn’t like. His affinity for maps and directions started early in life, when, as a young boy, he took road trips with his beloved Aunt Laura. She would hand him the map and go where he directed!
Jack could be counted on to get us wherever we needed to go. That is a comforting feeling, being with someone who knows where they are going! And I always used to say that if anything ever happened to Jack, I was going to have to buy myself one of those devices and name it after him.
Well, Stephen and Michelle knew this about me, so they thoughtfully provided me with my very own. I call her “Jackie”, and. she. speaks. in. a. clear. distinct. voice. like. this.
“Drive. to. highlighted. route. Then. turn. left.”
“In. 2. miles. take. ramp. on. right. to. Pennsylvania. 309. N. Then. turn. left.”
“Turn left.”
Not a lot of personality, granted, and no extra stories, like Jack would tell, but at least the basics.
So I have gratefully put Jackie to work, helping me tool around town with a level of comfort I would not have had otherwise. I even traveled to Lancaster last week with a friend. We navigated long stretches of farm roads comfortably, because we knew Jackie would tell us, turn by turn, what to do to arrive at our destination.
Every so often, though, we would hit a road block, and would be forced to arbitrarily choose a road and hope for the best. At such times, Jackie was heard to say, “Recalculating…recalculating…”, before providing updated directions.
I realized this morning that these past seven months without Jack have been a “recalculating…recalculating” time. We had been traveling life together for so long, and then all of a sudden, there was only one of us in the car. And it’s been disorienting. You do life in relation to other people, and when they are not there any more, you feel off-balance. Especially when the other people provided leadership and direction.
Well, I keep coming back to the starting point that God is good all the time, and that all the time He is good. I have to. Anything else is a deadend. So in these difficult days of recalculating, of learning to navigate life without my husband by me, playing his jazz, telling me stories, being his solid, comfortable self, God has continued to keep me company. He’s given me direction in His Word. He travels with me. He gives me updates when I hit roadblocks and have a sinking feeling that I will never find my way.
Finally, and in a voice far more tender than Jackie’s could ever be, He will one day see me all the way Home, where there are no more tears or pain or sorrow, for the old order of things will have passed away, and the new will have come. (Revelation 21)
“Home. on. the. right.”
Sounds good to me.