It's a Tuesday night, about five and a half months, or a lifetime, since Jack died. The house is quiet and I am thinking. The reality is that life is not what it was that November evening when I walked to the car with my husband of 33 years, to drive him to the hospital after a week of sleeplessness and pain. The disorientation was…
I'm writing today with my nose in a gardenia. My aunt picked this lovely flower for me from a bush by her home, little knowing it's a ticket straight back to the hot August afternoon I became a Wilson. Burying my nose in it triggers picture after picture in my mind's eye. We had planned for this day for months. Researched options, wrote lists, juggled errands. Rewrote lists and pressed…
I didn't see the glass door. (But it was there. ) So when I walked straight into it, leading with my face, it felt about as you imagine it would. The good news is that nothing broke, though the bridge of my nose smarted like the dickens. Intially all I could do was stand there, hold my face, and wait. After a while, I gathered what was left of the…
Yesterday marked five months of learning to walk again. Babysteps, my friend calls them. I don't remember learning to walk when I was a kid, but I do remember watching my children learn. I held my breath as they reached out to the coffee table, hauled themselves up, stood, and bounced in place awhile before sitting down again. After a bit, a minute, a day, a week, it doesn't…
When you're hungry, all you want is food. And the hungrier you are, the more you welcome even simple fare. Yesterday my friend Bill called. He served my hungry spirit two simple pick-me-ups, two little anecdotes about Jack, recalled from our years in Chattanooga. He said one day they were sweating copper pipe for a project and the talk got around to work pants. "If you want…
"If you need anything, just ask."Haven't we all said this to people in times of need? I know I have, most of my life, actually.We mean it, we sincerely mean it. We want so badly to be available in any and every circumstance that we put our whole self and resources at the disposal of the loved one, and we offer it all."Really -- anything. Just…
I had the chance yesterday to lay on my back and float in a pool, so you know that was the chance I took. It was one of those calendar days -- the sky unnaturally blue, the clouds piercingly white, and the sun bold and blazing. Ah. Not a snow shovel in sight. I drifted in silence, watching the language of the sky: the perfectly round, blinding…
What I wanted was a fax machine.What I got was a diamond necklace. But for two weeks I could not let myself enjoy it! We had always been practical people. Our very first Christmas as a married couple, I had dreams of a tree with lots of presents under it for my new husband. I'd received a bonus from the little school I was teaching…
As I eased into consciousness this morning, a lovely plate of plastic corn and plastic chicken appeared at my elbow. It was served by my four-year old nephew, wearing football pjs and a smile that nearly split his face. He demonstrated that the chicken needed to be eaten with both hands, because when you eat it that way, you can turn it to see the…
When Everything Started Happening, I found I needed to remember more, much more, than I had brain space for. I was mercifully helped by remembering to follow my mom's lifelong advice: get a fresh pad of paper and a nice, sharp pencil, and write, write, write. Or, to return to Lewis Carroll's Wonderland for a minute: "That moment," the King went on, "I shall never,…